Unbearable: Who Should You Talk To?

Having a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

When I have infertility issues or questions or  concerns, I get to communicate them all to you guys. I get to vent and wonder and commiserate. And you poor readers have to listen to all of it. Sorry. So for those who don’t get a platform online to express their issues, who do you talk to?

Who do you call when your hormones are raging and your crying over absolutely nothing at all? It’s not even a Huggies commercial or a random country music song, you’re crying over absolutely nothing! What do you tell your co-workers when you have so many doctor’s appointments that they think you have a serious illness? What do you say to those well-meaning individuals who ask awesome questions like, “So when are you guys going to have some kids,” or “I thought you guys wanted to have another?”

As someone who spilled the beans too early to too many people, I’ve been having to answer awkward questions about my lack of baby bump for some time now. Looking back, there are a lot of things that I would do differently.

  • Find someone who can relate. If you have any friends or co-workers who’ve gone through a similar experience, talk to them. If you don’t have anyone with a similar history, go online and look for some message boards. Resolve: The National Infertility Association has some wonderful information, local support groups and online communities. Infertility it a difficult subject to talk about and it’s hard to understand if you haven’t experienced it. Communicating with people who’ve gone through a similar circumstance can really help.
  • Know that once you talk about it, people will continue to talk about it. It’s like breaking the seal. If people know that you’re going through a difficult time, they’ll continue to ask you about it. They will do this out of genuine concern and caring. But it still might make you feel uncomfortable to have your friends and co-workers discussing you and your womb. If it’s not something that you want brought up again, don’t bring it up first.
  • You don’t have to give specifics. This was my biggest problem at work. I wanted to explain what was going on so that people knew I was ok, but going through a rather time-consuming process. This was a mistake. My co-workers didn’t need to know what was going on. I would’ve been better off to have a small talk with my boss explaining briefly what I was doing and then not bringing it up again.
  • Plan out your answers to those awkward questions. Don’t let someone’s random, “Geez, when are you guys going to start a family,” remark through you off balance. If you haven’t planned your response to these types of questions, you’re going to either break down, get defensive or share way more information than you mean to. In fact, if you’re anything like me when you’re emotional, you might say something like, “We’re trying but we’re having a really hard time right now so thank you for making me feel better about it, Asshole.” So having a prepared answer might help prevent situations like that.
  • Only share what you feel comfortable with. If you want to keep the entire situation between you and your significant other, you have every right. If you need your mother’s should to cry on, call your mother. If you don’t want your mother anywhere near this situation, politely deflect her grandchildren inquiries. Don’t ever feel the need to defend your situation or your decision. It’s private. You have every right to keep it

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