Unbearable: Where Does ‘We’re Trying To Get Pregnant’ Fit Into Polite Conversation?

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Having a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

So my husband and I were visiting a friend of mine from high school. We were having a wonderful time, great conversation and a whole lot of laughs. The evening was going great. Someone was telling a story about a new puppy named Oscar and I blurted out, “Oh we’ve already decided on a boy name.” Everyone looked a little confused, because ya know, I was talking about babies and no one else was.

I awkwardly finished my thought. It seemed weird to leave it at that. “For a baby, I mean. We have a boy named picked out. Ya know, because we’re trying to have another.”

To my company’s credit, not a single eyebrow was arched. In fact, they didn’t seem to think that my statement was all that peculiar after a couple moments, but I still felt very odd sharing such an off-topic and personal piece of information. I still can’t figure out exactly what prompted me to make the conversation so serious and private. Maybe it was the relaxed nature of our group that invited intimate confessions. I’m not sure.

After a year and a half of thinking, writing and obsessing over my attempts to get pregnant, I’m still confused on how to talk about it. When I’m not typing out my feelings for the world to see, how do I mention it to the cousins we haven’t seen in months at the family reunion? Is there a way to throw it in over dinner that doesn’t seem forced or out of place?

For a long time, I never wanted to talk about my troubles with fertility at all. It was a dirty secret that I wasn’t comfortable sharing. At some point in time, that changed. Infertility became my normal. It’s nothing that I’m hoping to clear up at my next trip to the doctor. I don’t assume that next month will be my month. The let downs get less painful because there wasn’t as much hope to begin with. This all sounds a little depressing, but it’s not. Maybe it’s just impossible to be so emotional for so long. At some point, your body has to regulate these things.

I still want to have a child. My entire being still aches when I see a newborn child. And the Pottery Barn Kids catalog might be considered my own personal brand of torture. All of that being said, I’m in a good place right now. Maybe that’s why I’m more comfortable mentioning, “We’re trying to get pregnant.” I might need to work on my timing and delivery. Hopefully it’s only going to get easier. But after this long, it’s become a part of my life. It’s time that I stop being embarrassed about it. The only way to do that is to be honest and open about it.

Oh, and I’m sorry you named your dog Oscar, because I feel like that dooms it being constantly grumpy. That’s kind of what I meant to say.