Unbearable: Me And My Still-Empty Uterus Are Capable Of Having Good News

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surpriseHaving a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility while trying to conceive can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

There comes a point in an infertile couple’s journey where absolutely every aspect of their lives seems to be superseded by their struggles to get pregnant. After you’ve told everyone that you’re trying to conceieve, after a couple tragic endings, you’re suddenly known as “the people who want a baby.” From that point on, any time you try to share information with people, they’re going to assume that you’re talking about your uterus first.

This past spring I posted that I had good news I would reveal shortly on my writing Facebook page. (Yes, I’m obnoxious and keep separate work and personal pages.) I was talking about the opportunity I got to appear on Good Morning America with my daughter. I had to make sure I was allowed to announce it before I talked about what show I was on, but I was so excited that I had to post a little cliffhanger. Immediately, I had at least five people texting me “Congratulations.” Everyone just assumed that my good news meant a bun in the oven. Sorry guys.

A month ago I asked my parents to have dinner with my husband and me. I wanted to share some good news with them and I thought that it would be nice to do so at my favorite sushi restaurant. When I went to order a glass of plum wine, my mom was completely taken aback. “You can’t have a drink,” she yelped! For a split second, I was really confused. Then I explained, “Mom, I’m not pregnant! I got a promotion at work.”

I think it’s a sign of optimism that so many people assume all my good news is baby-related. It means that we’re all still positive that I’m finally going to get pregnant one day. The smallest thing will lead friends and family to assume that I must be with child, finally. If I mention feeling a little under the weather, I swear they’re ready to throw a baby shower. If I say I can smell something no one else can, they’re ready to bust out champagne. For everyone but me, of course.

In a way, it’s really nice to know that I’m not the only one with all these false starts. Everyone else assumes pregnancy first and checks later, as well. That’s what I’ve been doing for months now, so it’s nice to know that I’m not alone.

That being said, I feel like I no longer have any good news. Even if something terrific has happened, it’s not really what people want to hear. They would be much happier if I was pregnant. And really, it’s hard to blame them. I would probably be happier as well.

If I actually do get pregnant, I have no idea how I’ll manage to keep the whole business a secret for the first 12 weeks. Considering that my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I’m sure that I’ll want to be secretive. I’m just not sure that I’ll have enough self-control.

I mean, after two years of trying to conceive, being pregnant would be the news. It would be the news that we’re all waiting for! Who can keep that type of business to themselves? I guess what I’m saying is that I promise I’ll tell everyone right away. And I won’t make a cliffhanger out of it. So if I ever say, “Guess what?” or “Something great just happened,” you don’t have to assume I’m pregnant. When that moment comes, I promise not to wait to set up the surprise. I’ll be too busy dancing around like a maniac to make everyone guess my good news. Until I start dancing, all “good news” will be of the non-uterus variety, so try not to be too disappointed.

(Photo: AXL/Shutterstock)