Unbearable: Keeping The Romance In The Baby-Making Process

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Having a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

Well, there’s basal thermometers, fertility calendars and dietary restrictions. There’s prep work, detailed instructions and a post-game ritual. Let’s not forget about the journal to jot down every possible piece of information that could lead to an answer to our problem. Oh yea, and then there’s the sex. Baby-making sounds like tons of fun, right?

I can still remember those first few months when I was trying to get pregnant, my girlfriends would say, “Hey, at least you get to have a lot of sex!” Actually, any time we admit to close friends or family that we’ve been trying to grow our family, there’s always a small wink or elbow jab to go along with it. The general consensus is that even though it must suck to be disappointed, at least there’s a whole lot of sex to make up for it. People go so far as to say, “You guys must need more practice!” Ha ha ha.

Well I hate to break the baby-making mystique, but after a year and a half, routine sex because you don’t want to miss an opportunity to procreate just tends to lose a little of that sparkle. It’s not something that happens because a couple stops loving each other. Planned, perfectly-timed-to-improve-your-fertilization-process sex just doesn’t carry the same intense excitement as a normal romp in the sheets.

To add to the difficulty, infertility tends to cause stress and often, depression. Last time I checked, those two didn’t really help a couple’s mood. Let’s not even get started on the pressure to perform. That’s never helpful.

So how can a couple turn things around? How do you put the spice in your scheduled sexy-time? Here’s my suggestions. (Not that I would know, because I’m under sworn oath to never, ever discuss my sex life on the internet. So these are just things that I’ve heard.)

  • Scrap the schedule on your off-weeks. Yes, your peak fertility times are going to be planned out by the minute. I’m not suggesting that you stop that, because that would be pointless. But on the other weeks, try to keep things a little more exciting. That’s the time to change things up or even just relax and keep things as natural as possible.
  • A little romance goes a long way. I know, basal thermometers are super sexy. But maybe we should step away from the clinical analysis and light a candle or two. Keep the lights on. Do something to show that this is still an enjoyable experience.
  • Be honest about your feelings. Stress and frustration aren’t really heart-pounding. But as a married woman, I have to admit that having an amazingly supportive spouse is pretty attractive. Knowing my husband is there to talk to when I’m upset might not cause my pulse to race, but being in a loving relationship is sexy in its own way.
  • Don’t forget date night. Whether you’re going to get lucky at the end of the night or not, I think that date night is one of the best things that my husband and I do for our relationship. It’s our time to have involved, uninterrupted conversations. It’s an opportunity to relax together and remember the fun of our relationship when it started out. It’s just so important for us as a couple. For us, date night is definitely worth the cost of a babysitter every couple of weeks.