Unbearable: Infertility Has Made Me Consider A Drug Free Labor

childbithHaving a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

My first experience with childbirth was pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. Labor lasted about seven hours. There were absolutely zero complications. I had an epidural that worked just the right amount, so I wasn’t screaming in pain but I could still feel what was going on. I realize that saying this makes me that annoying woman, but I just had a really good experience bringing my little girl into this world. So why on earth would I want to change it should I have the opportunity again? Well, it’s a little complicated.

When I had my daughter, I was a first-time parent. Childbirth was a little intimidating, even though I had been there with my sister. There’s always a concern about how your body will handle the pressure and the stress. Now, I feel more confident in what I’m doing. I feel like I know what I’m getting into. And after two years of waiting to get pregnant, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what exactly I might want to change for the next time around. I mean, a whole lot of time.

My labor and delivery was pretty great, but it was great in a “nothing went wrong” kind of way. It was great in a “We all came out of it healthy” kind of way.

When I read descriptions of home births like Josie Maran‘s, I am actually astounded by how magical the whole thing sounds. Honestly, if any woman has a “magical uterus,” doesn’t it sound like Josie Maran does? She describes her home birth like this:

”Soon I was sitting in a blow-up kiddie swimming pool in my backyard with my midwives, family, and friends gathered around. My dear husband was in the pool with me, encouraging me, telling me that I was powerful, capable and beautiful.

My older daughter, Rumi Joon, was dancing around, checking on me, then running off to make me clover crowns. She even came out with a plate of cookies for my guests ”” always the perfect little hostess. When I was struggling, she gave me lots of kisses to help me through.

It was a beautiful day. I took in the view around me as each contraction came and went through my body. I love being outside, so the choice to give birth in the great outdoors was a natural one for me.

Being surrounded by birds, plants, and my family was much better than being in a hospital with impatient doctors and lots of beeping monitors. A home birth was the perfect choice for me ”” that’s why I did it again.”

That sounds like a pretty amazing experience! I consider my daughter’s birth great because we all came out of it healthy. I’m pretty sure I didn’t connect with nature or commune with God during the delivery. I pushed out a beautiful baby girl that I love with all of my heart. But is there really more to delivery, as so many natural birth advocates suggest?

I’m just not sure. There is one thing I know though, after going through this much emotional pain just to get pregnant, what’s a little physical manifestation to bring the baby into the world? After this long journey, why not see what all of these often-sanctimonious, but sometimes thoughtful women are saying about how natural and powerful and peaceful an un-medicated birth is?

Would I want a home birth? Probably not. I would be most comfortable knowing there are doctors and nurses there to help should anything go wrong. But could I consider a drug free labor? Sure I could. With all this time I have to prepare for the joyous occasion, I’m sure I could perfect any breathing technique or natural pain management approach out there. I might head to the yoga studio this afternoon.

Or perhaps, like most things, over-thinking my hypothetical child’s future birth won’t help me at all. Maybe I’ll get to that point and decide that I want the same happy, healthy, perfectly awesome labor that I had with my daughter. Maybe my future child will have their own plans and I won’t have any control at all in my birthing process.

As funny as it is to sit and think about my future birth plans, I guess it’s more important to remember that the goal is much more important than the means. I still might check out other natural birth stories and see if I get inspired though. After all, I do have a lot of time to prepare for this one.

(Photo: Kakigori Studio/Shutterstock)

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