mother and daughter

We All Turn Into Our Mothers, And I’m Okay With That

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I’m definitely turning into my mother. The more I realize this – the more I understand why her very existence scares the shit out of me sometimes. It’s like looking into a mirror of what I will surely become. I don’t want to be this sure about anything.

I got a glimpse that this transformation may be happening a couple years ago, when we got our first flat screen. Up until that point, we had an old Sony television that I bought somewhere around 1998. I’m not kidding. The thing still had a great picture and incredible sound. I didn’t want to get rid of it.

The TV was old and huge and my friends used to tease me shamelessly for still having it. We finally broke down and bought an upgrade, my husband installed it, and the old Sony was left in the corner of the living room until we could muster the energy to put it on the sidewalk in front of our brownstone for any takers. I kept looking at the old thing – I actually couldn’t sleep the night we unplugged it. I got up and went into the living room, turned on the new TV and thought – this picture is too clear. This sound is terrible. I looked longingly at my old workhorse. I was really bothered by it. I didn’t want to let it go.

Sitting there in the dark in our livingroom, staring at a crappy old TV I had somehow become in love with – I remembered the last big move my mom made, from her home of 30 years in California to her new place in Florida. Remember when electronics were also furniture? It was a fad that didn’t last too long, but one that my family jumped on because who doesn’t need a television encased in wood, on a swivel, that takes up about four square feet of your home? My mother loved that TV. It was a Panasonic. It sat five inches from the ground on a giant wood swivel base and took up about 2O percent of our living room. It probably weighed about 300 pounds. We convinced her she needed to part with it before the move. She still talks about that TV. I’m convinced she will never forgive us for talking her into leaving it behind.

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