Teenagers Who Show Up At My Door On Halloween With An Attitude And No Costume Get Nothing

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go-away-doormatOn Halloween about six years ago when I was still living in Brooklyn, I ran out of candy relatively early. We lived on a busy block and always got a ton of trick-or-treaters. It was the first time I had ever really paid attention to the masses of teenagers without costumes who were walking around asking for candy — probably because I was running out so fast and getting annoyed that kids who couldn’t even be bothered to say Trick-or-Treat or put on a costume were taking it all. I decided to draw the line and save the remaining candy for kids in costume. Then this happened:

Mass of teenagers walks up to my stoop and just stares at me.

Me: I have no more candy.

What looks to be about a 17-year-old boy: Yeah you do. I see it.

Me: I’m saving it for little kids. Who are actually in costume.

Him: Fuck you, lady.

Not only could this little shit not be bothered to even attempt a costume or say Trick-or-Treat – he was also telling me to fuck off. Oh, hell no. It was then that I realized rude teenagers who came to my door expecting candy could suck it. No, I don’t feel bad about it, either.

I’m the soup-Nazi of Halloween – I admit it. Show up at my door with no costume and an attitude and it’s No candy for you! I know a lot of people think teenagers are just trying to hold on to a slice of their childhood and that may be true. But if it is true, then show up with a costume and say Trick-or-Treat, damnit.


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