I’m Too Tired To Be A Better Mom

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tired-momWhat questions do you ask yourself to determine if you’re a good parent?

Did you cook dinner this week?

Did you shower today?

Did you find time to take your kids to the park?

Is your TV off?

I write about parenting every day. I get paid to weigh in on all the choices parents make that may or may not benefit the little human they’re molding. But I often wonder if I’m a good mom. I usually just think I’m too tired to be one.

Right now Tangled is entertaining my child until my mom gets here to help with the kids. The television serves as a parenting aid every morning when I’m online early working. I suppose I could get up at five instead of six-thirty and afford myself a little extra time to get stuff done. Maybe then I could take my kids to the park instead of hoping they would be entertained enough by the books, toys and television to actually allow me to get some work done. Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow.

I find myself saying that a lot these days. Whether I’m talking about cooking something new, doing more than just vacuuming my house to present an illusion of cleanliness, or organizing my kids toys – it always seems I have a laundry list of things I’m going to get to tomorrow. As If tomorrow will come and there will actually be some spring of energy that didn’t exist today that I can draw from.

When I finally finish work at the end of the day I look at my children and think for a moment about all the fun things we could do to make up for the fact that I’m away from them all day. Then I usually just let out a big sigh, summon whatever little bit of energy I have left, and take them for a walk around the block or to the small park down the street they are probably totally sick of by now.

I look at my friends online and I see art projects, interesting dinners and family outings. I see vacations and smiling children and I wonder what the heck I am doing wrong. There are not enough resources – especially with my husband traveling as much as he does. How do you catch up? Is it possible to actually feel like you’re doing a good job when there are so many things that take your focus off your children daily?

I’m just too tired to be a better parent. Am I making the wrong decisions? Because honestly most of the time it doesn’t feel like I’m making decisions at all – it feels like I’m just trying not to drown.

(photo: wavebreakmedia/ Shutterstock)