The Story Of This Breastmilk-Destroying Mother-In-Law Will Make You See Red
Breast pumps are awful, and in-laws with boundary issues are awful, and when they come together they create a story so awful you will cry big fat tears of sympathy, then see red like a killer robot from the future, because a woman on the Baby Center forums says her mother-in-law threw out sixty ounces of expressed breast milk.
Even before I got pregnant myself, I was a happy lurker of Baby Center’s DWIL Nation forum. DWIL stands for “Dealing with the In-Laws,” and it is where people go when their in-laws are causing problems. It is a wonderful forum to read, if only to make a person appreciate his or her relatively well-adjusted and boundary-respecting in-laws. But today I came across a woman who said her mother-in-law stole almost her entire freezer stash under the guise of “helping,” and I just cannot believe anyone — let alone another mother — would do that to a person.
I just told the story to my friends, and it was like one of those old Pace Picante Salsa ads where the cowboy says his salsa is made in New York City and all the other cowboys leap to their feet and say, “NEW YORK CITY!” Except my friends shouted, “SIXTY OUNCES!”
“Get a rope!” one snarled.
When questioned later by her son, the mother-in-law reportedly said the milk “didn’t look right” and “she threw out the bags that seemed spoiled.”
Any mother who has spent any time with a breast pump will know how awful that is. It would take a long time and a lot of hard work to pump 60 ounces of milk, and every ounce of that represents a little bit of freedom. I want to cry on this woman’s behalf, and then get a pitchfork.
Then I need to go hug my mother-in-law, because I know she’d never in a million years pull a stunt like that. You just don’t fuck around with breast milk.