8 Things Toddlers Do That Would Get An Adult Arrested

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handcuff kidChildren aren’t held accountable for their actions (at least not beyond the dreaded time-out) because as a society, we agree that they lack the reasoning to fully understand when they do something wrong. While we might not let toddlers get away with murder, some of the things they do manage to pull off are pretty bad. So many things toddlers do are worthy of a mugshot but end up on Instagram instead. Here’s a list of things toddlers routinely do that would get them arrested as adults.


1. Stalking

If you woke up in the middle of the night to find someone who doesn’t belong in your bedroom standing over you, your first instinct may be to reach for a baseball bat or call 911. But when your toddler does it, you just scoot over to give him space to lay down.

2. Flashing

This past weekend at the children’s museum my son decided to drop trou for no discernible reason. If he was a grown up, every parent in the place would tell their child to stay away from him. Instead all the moms around laughed with me and I debated the merits of posting a picture on Facebook (I didn’t).

3. Assault

When you’re an adult, creating the fear of imminent bodily harm in another person can be enough to get to a set of shiny mental bracelets. But intimidating others is how toddlers establish who stands where when forming a line for the slide.

4. Disorderly Conduct

When a grown up has a temper tantrum and won’t calm down, we handcuff them. When a toddler does the same thing, we offer him cookies.

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