8 Things Toddlers Do That Would Get An Adult Arrested
Children aren’t held accountable for their actions (at least not beyond the dreaded time-out) because as a society, we agree that they lack the reasoning to fully understand when they do something wrong. While we might not let toddlers get away with murder, some of the things they do manage to pull off are pretty bad. So many things toddlers do are worthy of a mugshot but end up on Instagram instead. Here’s a list of things toddlers routinely do that would get them arrested as adults.
1. Stalking
If you woke up in the middle of the night to find someone who doesn’t belong in your bedroom standing over you, your first instinct may be to reach for a baseball bat or call 911. But when your toddler does it, you just scoot over to give him space to lay down.
2. Flashing
This past weekend at the children’s museum my son decided to drop trou for no discernible reason. If he was a grown up, every parent in the place would tell their child to stay away from him. Instead all the moms around laughed with me and I debated the merits of posting a picture on Facebook (I didn’t).
3. Assault
When you’re an adult, creating the fear of imminent bodily harm in another person can be enough to get to a set of shiny mental bracelets. But intimidating others is how toddlers establish who stands where when forming a line for the slide.
4. Disorderly Conduct
When a grown up has a temper tantrum and won’t calm down, we handcuff them. When a toddler does the same thing, we offer him cookies.
5. Public Urination
Not only do kids get away with this one, but some parents have been known to encourage peeing in public, especially if there’s no bathroom around and they don’t have a spare change of clothes handy.
6. Larceny
Theft of property that isn’t yours is a serious crime. But try keeping a straight face as you explain this to a toddler who’s eyes are brimming with tears because they have to give that teddy bear back to its rightful owner at daycare tomorrow.
7. Battery
If a toddler smacks you in the face with a toy, we blame red dye 40 for getting them worked up, then we give them something softer to play with and move on. But when a grown up does it, it’s a potential felony.
8. Burglary
My children use every time that I’m in the bathroom as the perfect chance to practice their breaking and entering skills. If an adult barged in on my while I was on the commode I’d scream and probably brandish a plunger for protection, but when the boys do it I just take the opportunity to wash their faces.
(image:lanych/shutterstock.com)
