10 Things That Go Through Your Mind After A Pregnancy Scare
Thankfully my pregnancy scare days are long gone (now that I’m a crotchety old married lady), but nothing is scarier than your period being late after the condom broke. Even if your close call was planned and not a “scare,” sitting for those two minutes while the pregnancy test does whatever dark magic is does feels like a torturous lifetime. You’re thinking “Are my boobs sore?” and “Is it too early to be craving spam and eggs with hot sauce?” And them BLAMMO you get only one blue line (or if you’re super fancy a big, fat NOT PREGNANT) and it’s all over. Here are some things that go through your mind.
10. “Think of all the money I’ll save on diapers!”
Did you know that, on average, parents spend approximately $1600 on diapers for the first two years? Well, not me SUCKERS!
9. “Where is the closest liquor store?!”
Who cares if it’s only 9 am, it’s 5 o’clock in my uterus! Think of all the booze I can drink now that I don’t have to worry about giving the fruit of my irresponsible lust fetal alcohol syndrome.
8. “But…what if I wanted a baby?”
Because the heart wants what it can’t have, and my hormones are a fickle mistress.
7. “Nah, screw that, I’m gonna go eat some sushi.”
I like to live dangerously, not “die of salmonella” dangerously. But baby free equals sushi for me, yo.
6. “I need to buy ALL the birth control!”