Childrearing

10 Things All Parents Dread About Spring

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I know, I know — I whined about winter and now, I’m whining about spring. I am basically the worst and you’re all stuck with me, sorry about that. I do happen to love spring in theory but there are certain elements of it that I do not look forward to as a parent and just like I aired my grievances about winter, I plan to do the same now that I’m surrounded by sunshine and chirping birdies. Nothing will stop my complaining instincts. Nothing.

1. Mud

gross mud

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Oh God, the fricking mud. I live in a place with multiple feet of snowfall every winter and when it melts, it’s basically a weeks’ long mud slide. Of course, when it’s warm out, the kids want to be outside so it becomes an hour of me yelping “STAY OUT OF THE MUD PLEASE.” Serenity now.

2. Broken Toys From Last Year

dammit

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It’s been so long since last summer you forgot that Junior’s bike tire is deflated and that the handlebar is loose on someone’s scooter. But it’s nice out and everyone wants to plaaaaay so let the whining commence.

3. Bugs And “Flowers” In Your House

no thanks

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In spring, I usually have a windowsill full of paper cups with various plant and insect specimens in them. We release all bugs at nightfall but the “flowers” remain. And by flowers, I definitely mean weeds with teeny ants crawling on them. FESTIVE.

4. Last Year’s Clothes Won’t Fit

baby gap

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Do anyone else’s kids freak out about finally getting to wear shorts the moment it hits 70 degrees? Mine start riffling through their stuff from last year only to find it’s all a size too small, so either I have to shop, or my front yard looks like a scene from Studio 54 with little people running around in what amount to hot pants.

5. No More Yelling

benedict

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Ah, one of the few perks of winter. Closed windows so I can holler when my kids act a fool. Now that the windows are open, I sound like a pre-school teacher being all gentle and calm so the neighbors don’t judge me. It’s like walking a tightrope.

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