Childrearing

10 Things Mean Moms Won’t Do For Their Kids

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Inspirational mom blogs and Hallmark-style parental sappiness tells us that moms will do anything for their kids. In the sense that we will keep them alive and try our best to make them happy, sure. I can buy that. But anything? That’s patently false. I would lay down my life for them but there are other things I simply won’t ever do. Sorry, kids. A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. Here are the things I don’t love my kids enough to ever do:

1. Share The Thin Mints

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Girl Scout cookie season is short and of all the lowish fat options, Thin Mints are the best. The kids, with their insane metabolisms, are relegated to Samoas.

2. Listen To Their Music 

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I won’t listen to the Frozen soundtrack in the car. Enjoy a little Lady Gaga or GTFO and walk, children.

3. Give Up “Me” Time

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Mean Moms need time alone so they can be better Mean Moms. Unless it’s their high school graduation, I won’t skip the gym, nights out, bubble baths (ALONE) or anything else I love to do. Mommy loves you! Just not that much.

4. Buy Less Wine

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The budget will have to be trimmed elsewhere because all Juicy Juice and no Cabernet makes us bitchy, miserable mommies.

5. Go To Disney World

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Some Mean Moms might make this sacrifice so this one is specific to me. I’m not a big fan of amusement parks or crowds so Disney sounds like my worst nightmare. I’ve thought it out and I’m not sure my love for my kids outweighs my hate for loud, crowded places full of other people’s shrieking offspring. Maybe Nana and Papa will take you.

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