17 Things I Would Rather Do Than Go Out On A Date

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Things I would rather do than go on a date, or anytime, really: put dance tutorials on YouTube and pretend I look anything like the dancers and nothing at all like someone trying to remove my own skin.

Image: HULU

Sometimes I offer to help my oldest rehearse her dance competition routines and she looks at me with a mixture of horror and pity. But goddamn do I love to dance. And practicing my moves at home just means I’ll be REALLY ready to take this show out in public … eventually. Now, I know what you’re thinking: going out for dancing is a great date night idea! And it is, I’m sure. But I don’t actually want to dance with somebody (sorry, Whitney). I don’t want to worry about groping hands or grinding crotches. I like dancing at home alone, where no one can intrude on my personal space.

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