8 Things That Feel Like A Vacation After Your Kid Starts School

By  | 

woman-relaxing-with-massageLife is full of unpleasant tasks that multiply exponentially when you have children. I was a stay at home mom off and on for many years, and was “on” when my daughter started school two years ago. I distinctly remember sitting in an empty house after my husband left for work, wondering, “what do I do now?”

A little voice in the back of my head piped up: “whatever the hell I want to” and thus my day of pantsless reading began. As time went on, it became necessary for me to actually do things; boring, chore-y things that cut way into my pants-optional time significantly.

I noticed something about them that was different now, though. No matter how unpleasant the task, it felt positively marvelous to be doing it sans-child.

1. The DMV

I hated the DMV before I had a child. When she was a toddler, I hated it even more. But returning to the DMV when your child starts school? Amazing. Just me, a good book, and thirty or more smelly, cranky individuals that I hadn’t given birth to. Throw in some vending machine Funyans and you can make a day of it.

2. The Dentist

I put off going to the dentist for a long time, but when I finally went to see one, I saw that things had changed. There was a full coffee bar and tooth brushing repository in the waiting room, and homie asked if I wanted knockout gas for my cavity filling next time. Um, yes please. With no child around to tear through the cabinets or whine about being bored it’s just me, a little nitrous, and a warm towel the dental hygienist gave me for my neck.

3. Being Stuck in Traffic

Gone are the days that I complained about bumper-to-bumper traffic. Now I just blast some music that my kid would hate and enjoy the reprieve.

4. Sick Days

Before my daughter went to school sick days sucked. Your child still needs all this stuff from you, like food and junk. It’s only two weeks into school and my child already brought home some form of the Black Death. Yes, it sucks being sick but with no kids in the house you can actually curl up into a ball and die for a few hours.

5. The Gynecologist

The gynecologist is never pleasant, but it’s less pleasant with a toddler on the other side of the curtain, making quack-quack sounds with a speculum. Now I look forward to it; I shave my legs, do a little maintenance, and look forward to a pap smear set to the soothing sounds of Enya.

6. Continuing Education

This one is really for working moms. Before I had kids, I dreaded anything that would keep me late at work, and that included any form of continuing education. Now I get excited about the prospect of sitting in a shitty hotel conference room with all of the free donuts and reheated coffee I can stomach.

7. Any Minor Medical Procedure

Granted, I’m taking my husband’s word for it when he says these are the best. He got his wisdom teeth out and it was a singularly relaxing experience. Pain meds and nappy naps, what more could you ask for?

8. Car Maintenance

I look forward to oil change days. What will I do with all of this free time? Catch up on some soaps in the waiting room? Go for a little promenade around the strip mall? The world is my childfree oyster.

(Image: bikeriderlondon/Shutterstock)