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10 Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage As A Sex-Deprived Parent

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shutterstock_70881121I can fully endorse the fact that it’s really hard to find time to have sex as a new parent. And as a not-so-new parent. And even as an older parent, I assume. In case you haven’t heard, parenting is a massive time-suck and libido-drain. Having kids is the highlight of my life, but this joyous endeavor takes up 24 hours of the day. Once you beg and plead for your infant children to start sleeping through the night, you’re so exhausted by 7 PM that all you want to do is watch Netflix on your laptop with one eye open and then go to sleep.

If it sounds like I am describing my life, it’s because I am. Now I have to qualify this by saying that my husband and I have a satisfying sex life at present, but it’s not like we’re going at it every day. Every few weeks or once a month is more like it as we are both crazy exhausted from caring for small children. The good thing is that we both talk openly about sex all the time to make sure that the other is satisfied. We’re both happy with this arrangement for now and will continue to communicate and reassess as our kids get older.

But this doesn’t mean that we’ve thrown in the towel! Sometimes it takes a little more effort than normal to get in the sexy mood (i.e. peeling off my three-day-old yoga pants), but it’s well worth it.

Here are 10 ideas to get the blood pumping in the bedroom after you have kids:

1. Talk about the small things.

My husband and I both work at home together all day long with two small children. I know this sounds a lot of fun… but trust me when I tell you, the only way we keep our sanity is by making small talk about our days. It’s the small things that keep you connected.

2. Try to be romantic.

This might make you gag a little, but I appreciate the fact that my husband always kisses me and tells me I am beautiful every single day. He tells me enough, and I start to believe him. Mega online dating website eHarmony endorses the non-stop courting of your partner, “You can maintain that connection by remembering to return to those courting behaviors. Remember your partner’s likes and interests might change, and there is always more to learn about them. Remind yourself that you should keep trying to impress your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together.”

3. Compliment his physical appearance.

Men and women both need compliments and positive reinforcement to feel physically attractive. Just as my husband tells me I’m gorgeous in my yoga pants with absolutely no makeup on, I return the favor—by commenting on his body when he’s changing clothes or by telling him that I love his adorable face for no reason. Cheesy, but true.

4. Touch more.

Think about how much you love getting a hug from a friend and repay the same favor to your partner. Even small touches and embraces throughout the day will make you feel more connected.

5. Say “I love you.”

My husband and I exchange this phrase multiple times a day, and it makes me feel safe and secure. Three small words remind me that my husband is my romantic partner and not my roommate.

6. Send lovey/racy texts.

If you’ve learned anything by now, it’s that the little things keep a marriage alive. Take a few seconds out of your day to send your partner an adorable or even erotic text. Knowing that you’re thinking about him, plus love, plus attraction, equals a hot night ahead.

7. Put down the technology when you’re together.

I’m as guilty as the next person of using my smartphone to unwind. But according to recent research, cell phones can have a negative impact on relationships by taking away from the connection of the present moment.

8. Invest in some one-on-one time.

Whether it’s a couple’s massage or a splurge on a hot tub upgrade for your house, you need a special oasis where you and your partner can reconnect. Hot tub manufacturer ThermoSpas points out that personal spas are known supporters of intimacy, i.e. SEXY TIME. ThermoSpas adds, “A hot tub can be the perfect way to regain or build the intimacy of your marriage. Scheduling time to spend with your partner can go a long way in preserving your relationship. In this day and age, technology has a stranglehold on us. We’ve fallen deeply into the habit of being attached at the hip to our smartphones. A hot tub provides a device-free zone that boosts intimacy.”

9. Try new things together.

Keep your relationship fresh by doing the spontaneous stuff you used to do when you were dating—drive to a small town for lunch an hour away, book a babysitter and head to the beach, or play hooky from work to spend a special day together. You deserve it.

10. Explore your own interests.

It can be hard to set aside time for yourself between your husband, your kids, and your boss, but remember—there’s nothing sexier than a man or a woman who cultivates their passions and pursues their own interests. You need something just for you so that you have something to give back to your partner.

(Image: altafulla/Shutterstock)