The ABCs Of Being A Stay At Home Mom

I know, I know, reading to your kids is important, but one can only recite Goodnight Moon so many times before you want to put that little rabbit to sleep for good, if you catch my drift (and who thought the line “goodnight air” was conducive to helping little ones fall asleep? How did this book win an award that wasn’t a Razzie?) While there are a few awesome children’s books out there, most are dull or downright nonsensical. But fear not. In order to both preserve your sanity and have your child ready for preschool, I present to you: the stay at home mom ABCs.

A is for activities that I’ll pin but never do,

B is for barf, my default perfume.

C is for coffee, without it I’d die,

D is for stuffy dog, gotta find him or you’ll cry.

E is for Elmo, he gives you such joy,

F is for “Fuck!” when I step on a toy.

G is for Goldfish that we snack on together,

H is for hugs that you give me whenever.

I is for iPad, and no, you can’t play,

J is for juice? K, but no more for today.

K is for knife, #parentingfail,

L is for lunch, take some bites and don’t wail.

M is for milk that you spill on the floor,

N is for nap time, I love closing your door.

O is for Oh God, no more Mickey Mouse,

P is for park, let’s get out of this house.

Q is for quiet, when you sit and just cuddle.

R is for rainy days splashing in puddles.

S is for secret snacks, if you catch me you’ll pout,

T — when you hit, you get a time out.

U is for “Up” though you’re getting so heavy,

V– watching Outlander makes me very sweaty.

W is for water, when’d I last have a glass?

X is for exercise, I miss Zumba class.

Y is for yoga pants, were it legal, I’d thee wed,

Z is for Zinfandel, because you’re finally in bed.

(image: Syda Productions/ Shutterstock)