Cheatsgiving: How To Shut Down Conversations About Your Biological Clock At Thanksgiving
1. Surprise them by responding with a similarly personal question, such as:
â€œDo you wax?â€
â€œHow much do you get paid?â€
â€œWhat absorbency do you use, tampon-wise?â€
2. Offer a bizarre fact in order to enrich their lives.
â€œCrows recognize human faces and hold grudges.â€
â€œChina is currently building a car-free city.â€
â€œYou are being exceptionally rude by continuing to pester me about my reproductive choices.â€
3. Have a prepared line. Options:
â€œIâ€™m not sure when! But Iâ€™m sure my mom will call you screaming.â€
â€œIâ€™m not sure when! But Iâ€™m sure my partner will put one in me sometime in the next twenty years.â€
â€œIâ€™m not sure when! But Iâ€™m sure youâ€™ll maybe find out somehow. I don’t really care.â€
4. You can make up an excuse and simply walk away.
â€œExcuse me for a moment, my mom is frantically waving an EPI pen I have to make sure she injects the right person.â€
â€œExcuse me for a moment, but it would appear that the only two Republicans here have found each other and I must go remind them about Obamacare.â€
â€œExcuse me for a moment, I must go self-immolate.â€
4a. Or, you might try moonwalking away, for a bit of holiday whimsy.
5. Be direct and honest. Just shut it the hell down.
â€œIâ€™m not planning to have children for a while, and thatâ€™s all Iâ€™ve got to say about it.â€
Now, moonwalk your way over to your partner (who, if he’s a dude, almost certainly hasnâ€™t been asked the same thing) and instruct him to make you a stiff drink.
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