conception

Cheatsgiving: How To Shut Down Conversations About Your Biological Clock At Thanksgiving

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1. Surprise them by responding with a similarly personal question, such as:
“Do you wax?”

“How much do you get paid?”
“What absorbency do you use, tampon-wise?”

2. Offer a bizarre fact in order to enrich their lives.

“Crows recognize human faces and hold grudges.”
“China is currently building a car-free city.”
“You are being exceptionally rude by continuing to pester me about my reproductive choices.”

3. Have a prepared line. Options:
“I’m not sure when! But I’m sure my mom will call you screaming.”
“I’m not sure when! But I’m sure my partner will put one in me sometime in the next twenty years.”
“I’m not sure when! But I’m sure you’ll maybe find out somehow. I don’t really care.”

4. You can make up an excuse and simply walk away.
“Excuse me for a moment, my mom is frantically waving an EPI pen I have to make sure she injects the right person.”
“Excuse me for a moment, but it would appear that the only two Republicans here have found each other and I must go remind them about Obamacare.”
“Excuse me for a moment, I must go self-immolate.”

4a. Or, you might try moonwalking away, for a bit of holiday whimsy.

5. Be direct and honest. Just shut it the hell down.
“I’m not planning to have children for a while, and that’s all I’ve got to say about it.”

Now, moonwalk your way over to your partner (who, if he’s a dude, almost certainly hasn’t been asked the same thing) and instruct him to make you a stiff drink.

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