Taco Bell Says They Are Going To Stop Brainwashing Our Kids With Crappy Toys

taco maddnessSuper important news, ya’ll! That favorite purveyor of Americanized “Mexican” food for weed soaked teens and college kids has vowed to stop marketing their slop food to our kids, because they want to be seen as cool to millennials. According to Taco Bell CEO Greg Creed (yes, that is really his name, I totes checked):

“The future of Taco Bell is not about kids meals. This is about positioning the brand for Millennials.”

wanna go to tb

Personally, I didn’t even realize they HAD toys for kids. I mean, I don’t smoke the old happy grass, so why would I even go to Taco Bell? I thought that was, like, their THING. But apparently, up until now, they still spent over $500 million a year pushing their so-called “food” on kids under 12, and most of that on the toys themselves.

Of course, this move has people like Margo Wootan, the director of nutrition policy as the CSPI:

“It’s a constructive step forward that Taco Bell will no longer use toys to encourage kids to pester their parents to go to their restaurants. By constantly churning out new toys, fast-food chains have a new angle every six to eight weeks for marketing to kids.”

But kids LOVE their tacos within another taco deep fried in taco grease and covered in cheese, right (‘MURICUH!)? Apparently not, because according to Creed, kids’ meals account for only .5 percent of all sales. But what he says after that will have me in stitches for the rest of the day.

 “It’s fairly inconsistent for an edgy, twentysomething brand to offer kids meals.”

Whut? The fact that you are calling your brand “edgy” and “twentysomething” means it’s the complete opposite. Stop it dude, you sound like my grandma. But kudos on not the poisoning our youth thing!

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