Somebody Better Translate This Swedish Kid’s Video With Dancing Penises And Vaginas, STAT‏

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What if I told you there is a music video in existence that involves a geriatric cartoon vagina moseying along with her very own twee, little cane? And also, winking at you? Would you believe me? Well, up until 7:00 am today, I wouldn’t have believed me either but that was because I had not yet seen the glory of this Swedish kid’s video with dancing penises and vaginas. I realize it’s early in the morning for winking penii, but bear with me and watch this amazing video:

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Are you smiling ear to ear? I know I am. Snippity snop, indeed. This video is probably the best thing you will see today, neigh, this entire week. According to Jezebel, part of the lyrics translate into something even funnier than the little vulva floating through the air and batting her lashes at us:

It goes “snippity, snippity, snippity snop” and you will never be able to get it out of your head. Not even when you learn that the translated lyrics are: “The vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly.”

Elegant. Well Goddammit, vaginas are elegant, aren’t they? And in my opinion, genitals in general are too hush hush for children and I think a song like this is the perfect way to demystify their private parts and make it something accessible that they might feel comfortable discussing. In many families, genitals and their proper names are a taboo subject. I feel this might be a good time to tell you all that I know of a family with several young daughters that refers to the vagina as a “shame-shame.” Jesus Christ, right?? If American elementary schools did a unit on sex education and learning about the human body, I think a cartoon like this could be very helpful. It could counteract what is undoubtedly shitty information that many kids are receiving at home. It also makes the entire topic positive and fun instead of intimidating and gravely serious, as I remember it from my own childhood.

The reaction to this video in Sweden has been mixed, if social media is any indication:

“How a clip like this got the green light is the most bizarre thing of the year – and the year is only eight days old,” one person wrote, sharing the meme which says “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore”.

Other commentors have been more positive.

“What a great song about the most natural thing there is. I think it was my daughter, however, who was bopping along the most,” wrote one.

Come on, Sweden- be cool. The world needs this, even more than your amazing gummy fish. In some households, the subject of private parts never comes up. In others, genitals are given goofy names that in no way indicate what they are actually referring to. If we are going to teach children about their bodies in a positive and appropriately youthful fashion, I think cartoon penises with hats and vaginas with microphones are the way to go. Mostly, because it would be porn if that shit were live action.

In conclusion, I think this is amazing and should have some English words dubbed over it and shown in kindergarten classes all over America effective immediately. The first step to a healthy attitude about sex is demystifying the parts involved and making sure kids know that everyone has one and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, they should be celebrated.

(Feature Image and Video: Bacillakuten TV show)