Pretending You Have JedI Powers Is Not Worth Getting A Door-Opening Chip In Your Hand

We’re all busy people, right? We’re mothers, or students, or employees, or all of the above, and we all struggle to get the many things done in life that need to get done. Up to a limit, I am all for advances that make life more convenient. However, to quote Fifty Shades of Grey, I have found my “hard limit,” and that is having a microchip implanted in my hand.

A Swedish biohacking group has developed a small radio-frequency identification (RFID) chip and offered it to the 400 tenants of an office high-rise building called the Epicenter. According to BBC technology correspondent Rory Cellan-Jones, the chip is implanted under the skin of one’s hand and can then be used to unlock the doors to the building and use the photocopy machines. And that’s it. Doors…and photocopiers. That doesn’t seem like much of a payoff for having a microchip implanted into your body.

Hand microchip opens doorsThe bio-hacking group behind the technology, which is called the Swedish Biohacking Group, promises that soon the chip will allow employees to pay for purchases made at the building’s cafe, as well. Wait a second — doors, photocopiers, and my morning muffin?! All without having to use my fingers?! This is, indeed, the miracle-filled future of my childhood dreams. But what’s the downside?

You might be wondering about the word “hacking” that is part of the chip developer’s company name. Well, that is because there is a second goal to these microchips; no, it’s not just about making copies, people. Cellan-Jones spoke to Hannes Sjoblad, the “chief disruption officer” at the Swedish Biohacking Group, who shared part B of the plan:

…Hannes Sjoblad says he and the Swedish Biohacking Group have another objective – preparing us all for the day when others want to chip us. “We want to be able to understand this technology before big corporates [sic] and big government come to us and say everyone should get chipped – the tax authority chip, the Google or Facebook chip.” Then, he says, we’ll all be able to question the way the technology is implemented from a position of much greater knowledge.

Oooooooooooooh, ok. Gotcha. I’ll just show myself out, thank-you.

Before we start letting conspiracy-theorists shove microchips in our hands, let’s ask ourselves if it’s worth just so that we don’t have to push a few buttons or swipe a card. Now, if the chip would allow me to wave my hand in front of my refrigerator and have my kids’ lunches pop out, or activate the shower head so that it could be in charge of washing their hair, or make children’s shoes and socks sentient so they could grab my kids’ feet, pull themselves on, and not let go till my hand said so, then I’d be first in line to get chipped up.

Make it worth my time, dystopian nightmare.

(Photo: ajfi / Shutterstock)

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