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The Childfree Don’t Swear More Than I Do Because Despite Having Kids I Still Have A Garbage Mouth

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swear__1378384338_74.134.205.46I read an interesting blogpost from a childfree by choice writer who says that because she doesn’t have kids she can say whatever the fuck she wants. I pondered this for a moment and realized that having kids hasn’t really changed the amount of profanity I spew on a daily basis, and due to the fact I have stepped on plenty of Legos and discovered a few drops of milk left in the carton when I am making my morning coffee the amount of swearing I do post-kids has probably even increased. I’m a garbage mouth.

That being said, I don’t swear in anger. I would never hurl profanities at my kids when I am upset with them, or call them derogatory names, or refer to them as “bitchass bitches” (To their faces) but I curse. A Lot. And even though I do drop more than the occasional F-bomb, my kids don’t swear. I have never heard my 8-year-old even swear on accident. She has never even said “damn” when she has stubbed her toe. When my middle child has, I have simply told him that if he wants to swear, he can either wait until he is older or he can go into his bedroom and scream profanities into his pillow. My teenager doesn’t swear unless he is recounting a story where someone swore. I think he has said “hell” on occasion, as in “What the hell?” but I really don’t take issue with that. I have taught him that the English language is a gorgeous and fascinating thing and there are far more eloquent ways one can express themselves other than resorting to exclaiming the things his mother does on occasion.

From The Notmom:

Language is just one of the areas good mothers try to clean up after kids arrive. I remember being truly amazed as my sailor-tongued friends successfully reined in their fire — or scheduled it carefully –and re-learned gentle epithets like “heck”, and “darn”.

I don’t have nieces or nephews, and HubbyMine doesn’t either. In my life, there have been very few times when I’ve been in close proximity to a child more than once a month. That’s on average, and I’m even counting someone bringing their kid to the office for a few minutes. That leaves a whole lot of months when my off-the-job persona enjoys a broader vocabulary without a second thought.

Result, I’ve been busted more times than I’m willing to try to count, dropping a four-letter bomb in front of someone shorter than my navel. Conversations get going, I get animated telling a story, and…OOPS, there it is.

The idea of “freedom” comes up often in almost any discussion of the differences between childless women and Moms. Here’s another aspect to consider: You have the freedom to say what you want when you want. Enjoy it.

I do watch what I say around kids that did not come out of my vagina but don’t most adults, regardless of their parental status? And I do have words that are totally verboten in my house, and I am not sure my kids would ever use them anyway, things like the N word or using the word “gay” or “faggot.” I also am not a huge fan of the word “crap” but that’s just because I don’t view it as elegant as the word “shit.”

I realize that profanity is overall crass and that there are better ways one can express themselves, but I enjoy profanity. Idid before I had kids and I still do now. Big fucking deal.

(Image: Pinterest)