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Cheatsgiving: How To Survive A Holiday Meal When There’s No Booze

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Look, sometimes it happens. For whatever reason you, a person who loves booze, gets stuck celebrating the holidays in a home where the closest thing to alcohol is some old apple cider rotting in the back of the fridge. I have been there, friends, and it is not pretty. Because if there’s one thing mama needs, it’s a glass of red wine to wash down that turkey and all the crazy talk Uncle Dumbf**k is spewing.

So…what do to? Bringing a flask is not an option here. You gotta respect the dry home, even if you like your mashed potatoes with a lot of gravy, and by gravy I mean vodka. Instead, try this:

1. Don’t let on that you’re annoyed. 


No wine? No problem! Your house, your rules. I’m cool! I’ll just be over here gently tapping my head against this book shelf until it’s time to eat dinner.

2. Find another beverage to enjoy.



Give me all the caffeines with some caffeine and a couple of spoonfuls of caffeine. Thanks.

3. Keep busy! 



Stand in the kitchen shouting “I CAN HELP CUT THE TURKEY ME ME ME” until someone gives you something to do.

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