Surprise! Bad Parenting Decisions Are Coming In ‘Bridget Jones 3’

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It’s official: Bridget Jones is returning to the big screen. Entertainment Weekly has confirmed the rumors, which have been circulating since 2009, that there will be a third installment of the horrid popular title (Bridget Jones’s Diary was released in 2001, followed by Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason in 2004).

Bridget Jones costar Colin Firth – he plays Mark Darcy – pretty much gave the plot away when he told Access Hollywood: “I can tell you that Bridget [Renee Zellweger] and Mark can’t have children, I think that’s the way it goes on. So then she makes the huge mistake of going back to Daniel Cleaver [Hugh Grant‘s character] for long enough to get pregnant. And I think he dumps her, and she’s left stranded, and guess who comes back to rescue her?”

I am praying that Firth was only joking. Because, really, how many times can one plot be recycled over and over again (desperate Bridget chases after Daniel, he’s a dick, Daniel rescues her)? Even with what little info we have on the flick – and let’s assume for a moment that Firth’s plot is accurate – I can say with 100 percent certainty that Bridget Jones will be the worst fictional mommy role model ever.

If you ask me, Renee Zellweger’s character as a desperate singleton in the original Bridget Jones’s Diary was totally irrelevant even back in 2001. I don’t care that the movie was critically acclaimed and that women swore it captured their lives (blah blah blah). Bridget is nothing more than an extreme example of a weak and pathetic woman with a major body-image problem and zero self-worth (this coming from someone who couldn’t get enough of Sex and The City). I can’t even imagine what kind of crappy mother she’ll be in this new installment. And I’ll probably never find out since I have no intention of seeing it (until it plays on an airplane screen in front of my face – on mute – five years later. Then I’ll peek).

All this to say that if Bridget becomes the same type mom as she was as a single woman – that is to say pathetic and totally annoying – you’d be best off to leave your partner at home if you have any hope of getting knocked up yourself. Because once the guys get a load of this baby, they will run for the hills. And I can’t say I’ll blame them.