High School ‘Poop Bandit’ Turns Out to Be a School Superintendent

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You guys. I don’t even KNOW. This entire story is insane and hilarious. A high school in New Jersey was the victim of a poop bandit. Someone was entering the campus and shitting on and near the track and football fields. Just, walking in under the cover of night and dropping a deuce on the field. WHO DOES THAT?! The funny thing is, this is not the first time I’ve written about a rogue pooper. Remember the Mad Pooper? That woman remains unidentified, although she did issue an apology through an anonymous spokesman. Anyway, this new poop bandit story is even wilder. Hang on to your butts, because here we go.

The poop bandit terrorizing Holmdel High School in New Jersey was caught using surveillance. And it turns out, the guy is the actual superintendent of a neighboring school.

Superintendent of Kenilworth Public Schools Thomas Tramaglini was arrested on Monday morning. Police apprehended him while he was running laps at the track. Apparently he just shit wherever on his morning runs??? WHO DOES THAT YOU GUYS. I mean, I get that it’s a thing, but for fuck’s sake, clean up after yourself! Dogs can’t even shit anywhere without their owners getting in trouble.

Tramaglini has apparently taken a paid leave from his superintendent job. Where, I might add, he was making $147,504 a year. All that coin and you can’t buy some fucking poop bags to carry with you?!

I literally do not understand people. When I first heard this story, I thought for sure it would turn out to be a prank from a rival or something. Because teens? Yes, I can see them doing this. “Hurr durr, let’s shit on Holmdel’s football field!” But a grown-ass man? I cannot.

Please do not shit in public, people. AND IF YOU DO, be a good citizen and clean that shit up. My god.