Sorry Madonna, Maybe It’s Time To Put Away Your Boobs [NSFW]

I’m about to sound judgy and rude. I hope we’re all okay with that.

Madonna apparently decided that this year’s MDNA tour wasn’t getting enough press. So she decided to spice things up by whipping out one of her boobs on stage for the whole world to see. Who else feels a mild amount of sympathy for Lourdes today? More than anything, I just want to yell at this woman, “We get it! You’re still sexy!”

If it were a normal 53-year-old woman who wanted to share her bosom with the world, I would be completely okay with it. I have no problem with toplessness. I don’t think women need to “cover up” or be ashamed of their breasts. And I think seeing the tits of someone who isn’t 22 and recently the recipient of plastic surgery is always nice.

So why do I have a problem with Madonna pulling down her bra and flashing some serious nippage during her concert? Because she very obviously wants everyone to have a problem with it. She wants it be controversial and attention-grabbing. It’s the same reason she used Nazi imagery while performing in Israel, which was a bit of tastelessness that I honestly couldn’t believe.

I think Madonna needs to put her tits away because it’s not shocking to anyone anymore. It doesn’t make a statement about sexuality. It just makes the world say, “Wow, that lady is desperate.”

There’s a reason that a magazine cover of a woman breastfeeding can create a serious controversy, and yet a 53-year-old mother pulling down her top doesn’t do much more than induce eye-rolling. One is meant to generate conversation. It feels like a statement about our culture. One is meant to generate attention. It feels like a statement about Madonna’s insecurity over her status as a cultural icon.

So yes, Madonna, it’s time for you to put your boobs away. Not because you’re a mother. Not because you’re 53. You should keep your nanas covered if you’re only exposing them because you think a 53-year-old mother shouldn’t.

There is one group of people that’s thankful for Madonna’s weekend publicity plea. Internet GIF-makers are thanking their lucky stars for these gems.