Why Stop At Play-Doh When We Can Be Outraged At All This Other Kid Stuff That Looks Like A Dildo?

Unless you live in a cave, you’ve probably seen the outrage over the Play Doh cake making set that contained a piece that looked very much like a penis. The general public does not seem to grasp how many things all around us are phallic. Parents were outraged that their little ones were frosting Play Doh cakes with a contraption that looked like it was shooting fondant jiz in slow-mo. Ha. Parents: they’re funny.

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This is the offending piece. Really? Is that the best we can do? There are plenty of other things to clutch your pearls over, parents. It turns out toy developers are perverts. Either that, or making things for children that don’t look like penises is really, really hard to do.

1. ET Finger Light

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Hello child! Would you like a replica of an elderly, uncircumcised penis to light your way at night? Of course you would!

2. Dora Cake Pan



Um… I hope you’re really good at frosting this thing, because the way I see it — no way is this cake not just going to look like a giant dick and balls.

3. Happy Sailor Gummy Lighthouses



“Happy Sailor” is really the brand. I did not make that up.


4. Dora Aquapet


The Dora toy developers are just messing with us now. Gizmodo uncovered this thing — which came out as a “limited edition” release in 2006. I think you push on the little balls and Dora swims around the penis tank. Not sure.

5. Fr-ooze Pop

The Fr-ooze Pop is proof that adults will make anything creepy. Here is the commercial that came out eight years ago when these things were made:


And here is a video some weirdo made with the pop:


Seriously, none of these kids running around with the Fr-ooze Pop think it resembles a dick. Then here comes YouTube weirdo with creepy music to haunt your dreams.

6. Spiderman With Webchucks



Presented without comment.

7. Hot Wheels The Muppets Beaker Car



A.k.a Dick On Wheels. Who designed this? They need a raise.

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