8 Places Using Swear Words To Reduce Stress Would Be Totally Awesome

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dirty mouth mom meme

A new study suggests that using swear words might help us to reduce stress, control our emotions and give us better pain management control. Now, I can already hear the cries of “correlation doesn’t equal causation,” but wouldn’t it be fucking awesome if this were true?

Dr. Richard Stephens, a senior lecturer at Keele University, has conducted a number of academic investigations over the years in order to prove his theory that that using swear words reduces stress. Most recently he had volunteers play a first-person-shooter- type computer game. According to Stephens:

“The video games made people feel more aggressive so their language became more emotional and they swore. This explains swearing and makes it more acceptable. We want to use more taboo words when we are emotional. We grow up learning what these words are. Using these words while we are emotional can help us to feel stronger.”

How awesome is that? This got me thinking about all the stressful things we do as moms, and how being able to curse to our heart’s content might make them easier. I mean, life in general is stressful as hell, and being in charge of one or more tiny human beings certainly doesn’t make it any easier. Why shouldn’t we get away with a bit of profanity here and there? Or, to be more honest, a lot of profanity? I gave myself stretch marks and 18 years of debt bringing this little bugger into the world, why shouldn’t I get to drop a few f-bombs during a PTA meeting?

8. The Playground

Nothing says “stop hitting my son in the head with a shovel” more than dropping an expletive-laden truth bomb on some little playground bully, amirite? I’m not actually endorsing cursing out some 9-year-old, but dammit wouldn’t this feel good?

7. Parent Teacher Meeting

This would be great for both the parent AND the teacher. What could be a better bonding experience than letting the f-bombs flow over a few progress reports. This is exactly why they should serve wine at these things.

6. Soccer Practice

Come on, we all know that folks already curse up a storm at these things. Why not make it official?

5. The Grocery Store

Even when I manage to find the time to do my food shopping sans kids, I still find it to be the most stressful two hours of my week. Being able to do more than just silently seethe at the jerk ahead of me being rude to the cashier over a 50 cent coupon would do a lot to lower my blood pressure. Oh, and to people who do this, fuck you and your coupons.

4. In The Delivery Room

Much like soccer practice, there’s already a ton of cursing going on here, but I think we can do better. Why not give therapeutic cursing lessons in Lamaze class? The goal shouldn’t just be to curse, but to use the very best, most stress-relieving swear words humanly possible. This is America, dammit!

3. Mommy and Me Class

Might as well start em’ young!

2. Driving Lessons

Teaching a teenager how to drive has to be one of the most stressful parts of motherhood. I think it might be irresponsible NOT to curse up a storm while you’re doing it.

1. PTA Meeting

Nothing stresses me out more than needing to watch what I say, and PTA meetings are basically the Olympics of watching what you say. Wouldn’t it be better if, instead of going around the room and having everyone introduce themselves, they had each new parent give a list of the most creative swear words they’ve ever heard. Now THAT would be an ice breaker.