10 Things To Panic About Before You Panic About Enterovirus
6. Calling someone to set up a mom date.
What if you sound desperate? What if you ARE desperate? If you give off a whiff of your intense need for mom friends, she might kick you to the curb. And then who are you going to drink pumpkin spice lattes and talk about your kid’s developmental milestones with? You’re screwed.
What are the Commies doing to our precious bodily fluids?
8. The current status of your left nostril.
Oh god. What if there was a booger hanging out of your nose just now when you answered the door? What is the UPS guy going to think? You should go check the mirror just to be safe. GO. HURRY.
9. Which Facebook groups you shared that picture with.
Do Aunt Gertrude, your boss, and your high school English teacher now know that you are a #girldrinkdrunk, and if so, is this going to be a subject of conversation at your next team meeting or family dinner?
10. The inevitable heat death of the universe.
It’s going to happen. Might as well get an eight billion year head start on worrying.