being a mom

These Stupid Stock Photos Prove All Parents Love Shoving Their Babies In Buckets

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Oh for the love of Anne Geddes it’s another round up of totally stupid stock photo images that I always run across when trying to scour our photo websites for relevant images I can use to illustrate all of the hard-hitting journalistic masterpieces I post for you guys here. I don’t know what asshole decided to stick a baby in a bucket, but you assholes need to totally start doing this.

In A Field 

(Image:  Crystal Kirk/shutterstock)

(Image: Crystal Kirk/shutterstock)

I’m pretty sure this is the image used every single time anyone writes a horror story involving an infant abandoned in a weed-overgrown parking lot behind the 7-11. You may think oh look! Adorable baby in a bucket! But I’m thinking mom who made a very bad decision.

 Because you cannot afford a playpen

(Image: Serlena Bessonova/shutterstock)

(Image: Serlena Bessonova/shutterstock)

This is just sad. This kid is fully dressed and in a bucket, which leads me to believe his parent just shoved him in there when they had to pee because everyone was too cheap to buy them an actual playpen.

Because it’s just adorable!

(image:  Luis Louro/shutterstock)

(image: Luis Louro/shutterstock)

D’awww, wet’s stick da wittle baby in da bucket because it’s just so cute and wet’s badly superimpose a stock photo of some giganticass daisy in its hand because maybe we could sell it as a greeting card that reads “Happy Spring!” or some bullshit like that.

It was cute when you were little, kid 

(Image: Sunny studio/shutterstock)

(Image: Sunny studio/shutterstock)

I have no idea what the point of this one is, except that the theme was probably like “We don’t have no indoor plumbing Jed Clampett before he found that Texas tea coupled with good dental hygiene or something.” Past a certain age and a kid in a bucket goes from cute to creepy real quick.

Suit ‘N Tie 


(Image: Jorge Casais/shutterstock)

This is from the World’s Worst Portrait Studioâ„¢ where they don’t have actual props, but just like dress your kid up in a suit and tie and head on down to the photography studio next to the firing range and the dry cleaner and the $9.99 manicure place and they will just stick your baby in a bucket for your upcoming holiday cards.

 We’re gonna need a bigger bucket 

(Image: Tatyana Vyc/shutterstock)

(Image: Tatyana Vyc/shutterstock)

Has anyone seen the baby?

(Image: Ahturner/shutterstock)

(Image: Ahturner/shutterstock)

Oh wait she is in the cleaning pantry in the bucket of filthy rags where we always keep her.

Me too!

(Image:Denis Tabler/shutterstock)

(Image:Denis Tabler/shutterstock)

You can tell these parents were just trying to grab a snap of their little darling baby playing in his toy bucket of blocks next to his leatherette sofa when he crawled in, and here comes big sis all ME TOO MOMMY ME TOO totally fucking up the picture.

If you don’t have a bucket, use a trash bin 

(Image: Pigprox/shutterstock)

(Image: Pigprox/shutterstock)

And by all mean, keep shooting even if the kid starts crying hysterically. Adorbs.



(Image: Johanna Goodyear /shutterstock)

(Image: Johanna Goodyear

How much extra did these people pay for the flair? Because to me that takes this photo from just being so dumb baby in a bucket to spectacular!

What not to do with a newborn 

(Image: Philip Lange/shutterstock)

(Image: Philip Lange/shutterstock)

There are so many things going wrong here. The newborn neck non- support, the upright death drowning bucket, the baby’s terrified expression. Am pretty sure this was used to illustrate some manual about when to call CPS.

(Image: Jorges Casis/Shutterstock)