Holidays

STFU Parents: Why Does The Elf On The Shelf Hate Women?

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4. Damsels Being Murdered On Railroad Tracks 

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Sometimes the word “naughty” is interpreted to mean “homicidal maniac who ties up half-clothed Barbies and murders them with locomotives.” And, hey, I get it! Nothing is funnier than a damsel in distress. But why couldn’t some robots or G.I. Joe figurines get run over, too? I’ll tell you why: Because those toys aren’t the enemy. And besides, who would believe that an Elf could tie up and run over a Transformer? Only a bimbo like Barbie could find herself in such a dangerous predicament, especially when she’s dressed like she is in the above examples! I’m not saying that Barbie was asking for it, per se, but when you dress like a slut around a sneaky-looking Elf, you’re pretty much begging to be run over by a train.

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