STFU Parents: Paternity Tests And Dramatic DNA Disclosures On Facebook

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3. “Vasectomy” Babies


Hey, congrats on determining that a douchebag you conceived a child with IS, in fact, the douchebag daddy of your baby! Well done! Also, I have to ask: What kind of intelligent woman would believe some random asshole about having gotten a vasectomy that he didn’t actually have? PRO-TIP, ladies — when a man says, “We’re good without a condom, I had a vasectomy,” all you have to do is ask him ONE question about the procedure to figure out if he’s lying. Ask him how much the operation cost, or how long it took. Ask him how long he had to ice his balls before he didn’t feel like crying. Ask him ANYTHING, and you’ll have your answer. Otherwise, you might wind up having his baby and admitting to the world via Facebook that by falling for a douchebag’s bullshit, you created a new human life that costs an average of $245,000 to raise. If that happens, whatever you do — don’t name the baby “Aycesuh.”

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