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STFU Parents: Parents Who Take All The Bloody Fun Out Of Halloween

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4. Moms > Sluts

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No need to be whorey slutbags, sisters! Put that sexy beekeeper or sexy cat or sexy astronaut costume away and acknowledge your WORTH. Do not fall victim to the sinister side of Halloween, what with the boozing and fishnet thigh-highs and making out with random strangers in dark bars and stuff. You are better than that! You could even work toward achieving the highest calling there is which is called being a MOM, and then you’ll really have a lot to say about slutty whores and trollops who dress “sexy” for Halloween! Hahaha. Those slut-monsters. They shouldn’t dress like such dirty, drunk prostitutes disguised as witches and pirates. Any MOM can see through that act! Halloween is about family hay rides, carving Frozen characters into pumpkins, and avoiding big parties.

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