STFU Parents: Parents Who Are Doing It Wrong On Social Media This Christmas

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3. Elf On The Shelf-Induced Heart Attack


“For Amy’s Sake” sounds like the saddest, most pointless Lifetime Movie for Kids that I can imagine. On regular Lifetime, starlets like Tori Spelling nearly get murdered after being kidnapped by psychotic boyfriends. But on Lifetime for Kids, little girls like Amy must cope with various crises surrounding overpriced toy elves who get physically assaulted — I’m sorry, lovingly touched for a brief moment — by evil cleaning ladies who don’t know or care AT ALL about some idiotic doll with supposed “powers.” SUCK IT UP, AMY. You haven’t even been forced to live in a creepy cabin by a lake yet! You have nothing to cry about!!

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