STFU Parents: The Continued Obsessive Documentation Of Children’s Teeth

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4. Loose Teeth


I feel like 50% of the moms I meet should wear a daily uniform consisting of yoga pants and a t-shirt that says “Shush! You wait lol.” No, I will not wait. I know right motherfucking now that this picture, like the shark example before it, looks like a still from a horror movie and I wouldn’t post it on Facebook. It’s doesn’t even make sense to post it, because no one can tell which tooth is loose. It’s not even hanging by a thread, which could be mildly interesting if not more horror-like. I mean, we all know what comes next if someone is documoming their child’s “loose tooth,” right? You guessed it:

4B. (2)

Aaaahhh what a cute picture of a beautiful little girl wearing a mint green polka dot tank top and a floofy white flower headband and GAHHH why did her mother post a picture before she wiped away the blood? Yes, it’s a “special occasion” when you’re little and your teeth start falling out of your mouth (especially if you get a visit from the Tooth Fairy), but I don’t recall my mother going, “The bottom tooth fell out??? WAIT RIGHT THERE, do NOT wipe away the blood or get a wet cotton ball LET ME GO GET MY CAMERA!!! All my friends are going to LOVE THIS.” No one’s mother did that in 1987 with their 35mm cameras. Do today’s parents feel like they need to make up for lost time because of the advent of digital photography? Someone should tell them they don’t. (I’m doing my best over here.) Besides, we lose teeth for our entire lives. How far can the documoming go?

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