STFU Parents: How NOT to be a Paranoid Parent on Facebook

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5. Speaking Of Pedophiles


Last but most certainly not least, we have this batshit insane chain message that has traveled around Facebook among the dumbest people you know for yearsssss. This chain message will never go away, because parents will never stop being this paranoid. It’s like a Grimms’ fairy tale somehow made much more fucked up. Also: what kind of “Caucasian female” (LOL of course) is only worth $2,500? That’s a mighty disappointing figure for such a dystopian nightmare. Trust me, crazy white moms, your kids would trade for more than that. In the meantime, please stop sharing this horrific-but-amusing fanfic and treating it like it’s a legitimate possibility. It’s one thing to have this type of conversation with yourself internally, and it’s another to make your friends aware that your paranoia is on a near-incoherent level. Oh, and PS: You don’t “have” to take a picture of your daughter and post it on Facebook for all your friends and family to see. If you’re as paranoid as this message suggests, perhaps you could save the phobic rants for your therapist and stop posting so much nonsense on Facebook in the first place. Just a suggestion for you to “share with as many you know.”

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