STFU Parents: How NOT to be a Paranoid Parent on Facebook

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3. Heebie Jeebies


Okay, Nikki, I WILL call you crazy, just like that security guard subtly implied, because what you just wrote sounds more than neurotic. You’re really going to judge a guy for having a “crazy hairdo” and wearing a t-shirt with a slogan on it? Is it even worth noting that Muhammad Ali famously said, “I shook up the world!” when he won the fight against Sonny Liston, and then later said, “When I beat Sonny Liston, I shocked the world. When I joined the Muslims, I shocked the world. When I beat George Forman, I shocked the world. I am from the House of Shock.”? Not that I know why this guy with the “crazy hairdo” is wearing a shirt that says “Shocking the World” on it, but you know… there’s usually a REASON behind people’s clothing choices, and context matters — especially when a message on a t-shirt refers to a man whose very identity was emblematic of peace. Unless of course you’re Nikki. Then context doesn’t amount to anything, because she’s not seeking knowledge, or context, or understanding. She’s assuming that every man with a “crazy hairdo” who happens to be pacing back and forth is a mass murderer about to commit a heinous act of violence. Very logical.

NOTE TO NIKKI: If you’re so concerned about the things going on in this world today that you’re racing out of a gym with a security guard, daughter in tow, you can *call your representatives* and speak out about making background checks for gun owners a federal law. That’s what you’re afraid of, right? That a mentally imbalanced person has violent intentions and unlimited access to weapons? There’s something you can do about that!

4. When Ur At The Toys R Us And Ur Scared For No Reason


Hey, thanks for doing your part to promote pointless paranoia, Michelle. You’re really stepping up to increase awareness of … um, people making light conversation at the toy store? Or the home improvement store? By asking questions about your kids because they have kids, too? This is why people who live in big cities tend to think that small town dwellers are overly suspicious nut jobs who assume that every stranger they encounter is a pedophile or a human trafficker. Seriously, WTF.

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