STFU Parents: How NOT to be a Paranoid Parent on Facebook

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1. And This Is How Children Get Kidnapped.


Oh, SNAP, Jim! I’m extending a most sincere digital high-five for pointing out the obvious here. What’s more dangerous — leaving your kids alone for 30 fucking seconds while you get a sandwich, or taking a picture of two kids you don’t know and plastering their faces on the internet while accusing their father of putting them at risk for kidnapping? I would say the second example is far more dangerous, because Ange is a seriously dangerously paranoid person. When is it going to be acceptable for people to go to the police with shit like this? When will it be acceptable for a parent to stand up to delusional women and say, “Hey lady, eat your fries and mind your own damn business!”? It’s not illegal to take someone’s photo in public, and it’s not illegal to post said photo on the internet, but to do both of those things AND insinuate that a parent is putting his kids at risk while also tooting your own horn for being a vigilant asshole on the lookout for “predators” SHOULD be a crime.

Does anyone remember the man who was shamed on Facebook by a mother who assumed he was taking pictures of children in the mall, when in fact he was trying to take a Star Wars-related selfie to send to his own children? That’s the typical outcome of a situation like the one pictured above, which also occurred inside a mall. Regardless, Ange and Melissa appear to be thoroughly tickled by their own sense of superiority and entitlement. The reality is that they both sound totally crazy, and the chances of either of these kids being “snatched up” are slim to none. In fact, I’m guessing there’s a much higher chance that this father would come across this photo on Facebook.

2. Christine Is Losing Her Damn Mind


While I can appreciate any parent’s paranoia related to school shootings — a child gets in trouble for bringing a gun to school every single day of the school year, and mass shootings have taken place inside of schools for nearly two decades — what I can’t appreciate is a mother who allows her paranoia to cloud her judgment to the point of ranting on Facebook. For Christine to lose her shit like this on social media tells me that she might want to reexamine her relationship to reality, because in reality, her child is more likely to be shot by a classmate than by an armed intruder. Teachers are far more likely to be shot by students who attend the school than by masked gunmen who have entered the school with a backpack full of ammo. It’s discouraging that parents are made to feel this insecure about sending their kids to school in 2016, but it’s also straight up bonkers that Christine is hypothesizing about hall monitors getting shot in the head like it’s an everyday occurrence. Get a grip, Christine. Get a job. Get a smoothie. Turn off CNN and take a nap. And for the love of cafeteria pizza day, please get the hell off Facebook.

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