STFU Parents: Moms Who Preach About Eating Their Placenta Can Stop Now

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3. Talking The Talk, Educating The Masses


The first half of a thread among lady friends about eating placenta typically starts like this before it devolves into madness. One woman will pose the idea: MAYBE it’s not such a bad thing to indulge in a little organ noshing, MAYBE it does wonderful things for PPD, MAYBE it’s total bullshit, or MAYBE it’s not? Then someone like Lindsey pipes in and says something along the lines of, “I’m thinking of taking the pills, because I heard they’re easier to swallow than chunks of raw meat that came from my insides,” and that’s the cue for the crazy comments to come in. For instance, let’s take a look further down-thread to see how this conversation continued:


We’ve got placenta printing — which I said was “having a moment” a couple years ago, and still is — but more interestingly, we’ve got a comment about how to “shoot” placenta. I’ve never heard of placenta shooters until this moment, and I certainly haven’t heard of this “slather in honey and swallow” method, but it sounds disgusting and bizarre. Why wouldn’t a person chew it? It won’t break down in your system very easily unless you do, right? Also, the comment “Don’t chew ;)” is so ominous and icky, I’m hoping Tori knew what was good for her and defriended all of these women immediately. But we all know what really happened: Several ladies got together, each wearing a different shade of yoga pants, and braided each other’s hair while watching ‘The Notebook,’ complete with placenta shooters. Every time Ryan Gosling looked like this, they shot back another slathered piece o’ honey-drizzled placenta. Girls’ Night In looks a little different after you’re a MOM!


4. Trivia Game: Play ‘Douchebag Or Reasoned Asshole?’

4. Screen Shot 2015-06-11 at 10.13.26 AMSorry for the blurry text in this submission, but I think it well-illustrates the overarching point of this column. Yes, Green is being kind of a dickhead about this whole placenta-eating thing, and yes, he probably believes, based on the “100x the criticism” comment, that men are judged more harshly than women, which — no. But that superior attitude aside, he makes a lot of points that resonate with me. What WOULD the general public say if men were suddenly lapping up or taking shots of their own semen, just because they heard it was good for them? Granted, the entire purpose of eating placenta is that a woman has just given birth, and there are hormonal effects that can greatly impact her psychological well-being, not to mention her already-impacted physical well-being, but I still think Green’s point is valid. Would I want to go on a date with him, or have him father my baby? Meh. I’ll pass. But I don’t disagree with what he’s said, and I’m guessing after that study came out last week, his first thought was “BOOYAH BITCHESSSSS!!!!” I *almost* hate that his suspicions were justified, but not really.

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