STFU Parents: Mommyjacking So No One Forgets You’re Having A Baby

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unnamedIf there’s one common trait shared by all mommyjackers, it’s not knowing when the time is right to mention their kids. In some cases, mommyjackers are just caught up in their own little bubble and ignorant to their hijacking ways, but in others, you have to wonder if they felt a twinge of doubt after posting their obviously off-topic comment. A good rule of thumb for me to distinguish the two is if the mommyjacker sounds like someone plugging their upcoming album release. If you sound like Macy Gray looked at the 2001 MTV VMAs, you’ve taken things too far. No one needs up-to-the-minute updates from their pregnant friends anyway (sorry, pregnant friends), but it’s especially weird when those updates are written in the form of mommyjacked comments on other people’s posts. You would think the person would step back and go, “Huh. Maybe I should write my *own* status update about my pregnancy / baby’s first birthday / toddler’s favorite dinosaur and let my friend remained focused on that other thing,” but no, they don’t, and that’s what makes them so entertaining.

Parents who don’t realize they sound like obnoxious name-droppers are endlessly amusing. Have you ever had lunch with someone who name drops like it’s their job? It’s usually a person so obsessed with status, she can’t imagine any other story or anecdote nearly as amusing as one that mentions Bradley Cooper. That’s how parents can sound about their own children, unaware that their miniature status symbols are only of utmost importance to them. Consider the way people reacted when Kim Kardashian held her crying toddler on her lap at Fashion Week. She was surrounded by other parents who hadn’t brought their children (as babies) to Fashion Week, like Beyonce and Jay Z, Puff Daddy, and the tight-lipped Anna Wintour, who quietly communicated her distaste without so much as taking off her sunglasses. Bringing “Nori” to Fashion Week might have seemed like a great idea, but it wasn’t; it was disastrous, and everyone else attending who had kids already knew that. They didn’t need their children to be their status symbols. They were just happy to represent themselves.

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