STFU Parents: Mommyjackers Who Think They’re Being Clever

When people talk about ‘corny’ parents, the common target is usually “dad jokes.” But as we’ve seen in the past, moms are also capable of indulging in the same cheeseball humor, loosely referred to as ‘momedy.‘ Unfortunately, based on the examples I’ve seen, there is little equality to be had in this realm. Dad jokes, however ridiculous and pun-filled they may be (and I’ll admit to being partial to puns) are usually far superior to momedy or anything resembling a “mom joke,” particularly when mommyjacking is involved. I don’t know why that is, because when it comes to sheer humor, moms and dads are both funny in equal measure. There’s just something so awkward about moms who think they’re being clever when they’re mostly being dorky that makes me groan deeply from within. The groan is for my mother, her mother, and her mother before her. It’s a groan of shame that goes out to all the moms of young kids who have nothing better to joke about than snot strands and baby butt-wiping. If you’re going to crack wise about being a parent, it ought to be funny to everyone, and not just to the other parents you see at the playground who are half-asleep. Unless of course you’re actually on the playground.

1.On social media, no one hopes to be mommyjacked with a mom joke. There’s never a good way to respond, because you don’t want to goad the person into thinking you want to hear more mom jokes, but you don’t want to appear unsympathetic either. Perhaps the signature distinction between mom jokes and dad jokes is that the goal of a dad joke is to make a person groan, and the goal of a mom joke is to make a person laugh, even when the joke is entirely unrelated to what someone else just said. There’s a lack of self-awareness, a sort of echo chamber of affirmation that people WILL find the joke funny””they have to””because what’s funnier than a slightly tangential reference to parenthood and potty training? Or to how exhausted moms are? That’s funny, right?


GROAN. Maybe you just need to be a mom to think this type of humor is funny, and that’s okay. Parents ARE exhausted — so exhausted they find stupid memes like this to be genuinely comical — and that’s something worth discussing in the right context. (Note: some of the childfree members of Woman’s Own didn’t think that page was the place). When it comes to mommyjacking, though, mom jokes land flat for me almost every time I see one. They have no relevance and serve no great purpose. They don’t elevate the original comment into something more entertaining or engaging; rather, they often kill a thread altogether. They’re harmless and meant to be taken lightly, but they’re probably better left unsaid. Let’s check out some examples, and you can tell me in the comments if you’ve been dying of side-splitting humor or cringing inside. Something tells me it’ll probably be the latter.

1. Rimshot


BOOM! Talk about a HOME RUN of a joke, am I right?! Ann just knocked it out of the park with that twins/Twins joke! Nice one, Ann! I bet you don’t secretly hope for opportunities to make that joke every time someone says ANYTHING about twins, right? Haha, just kidding, I bet you do! ZING! (Jokes!)

2. The Answer Is Moms


Hahaha, good one, Leslie. Except, I have a bone to pick with anyone who makes this joke, because it’s patently untrue. Lots of people are forced to reheat their coffee, not just moms, but moms would have you believe they are the ONLY demographic that is hot coffee-challenged. I’ve seen so many stay-at-home moms make this “you’ll never drink hot coffee again after you have a baby!” joke, and while I can appreciate it, let’s all remember that babies and toddlers eventually grow up and go to school. The days of nuking cold coffee in the microwave are limited when you’re a stay-at-home parent of school-aged children. Business people, however, will continue going to pointless meetings and presentations forever, and believe it or not, they suffer from Cold Coffee Syndrome, as well. Except in their case, the struggle will go on forever. Sorry, moms, but you haven’t got a monopoly on having to reheat cold coffee (and you’re not especially low maintenance, either).

3. Marathons


Oh, Julie, I feel for you, girl. But you might want to stop comparing your parenting plight to training for a half-marathon. In a game of “Would I Rather,” it’s certainly possible that I would take “400 miles of running” over “37 weeks of pregnancy with two older kids to keep up with,” but that doesn’t mean it makes much sense to compare the two. Both are physically and mentally grueling at times, with restricted rewards, but rather than focus on your own physical ‘journey,’ it might make more sense to just ‘Like’ David’s status update and move on. Otherwise, you’re just complaining and making poor marathon analogies. Good luck, though. (See how that encouragement comes out kind of half-assed?)

4. Magic And Medicine


No, Rachel, I wouldn’t say that at all. I would say that you’ve performed a human, sexual act that got you knocked up, and now a medically-trained doctor who studied science for a long time is going to help you give birth, as we humans are naturally inclined to do. It’s a little different from watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat or a gold coin from behind your ear. Both professions require training, sure, but there’s a difference between your OB doctor and, say, David Blaine. Hint: One of them takes insurance as a form of payment and has a boring office with fluorescent lighting.

5. Sinus Infection Remedies


Haha, Dina, GREAT joke. Everyone loves poop humor mixed with a little careless regard for others. Especially when it involves smelly details like “my 3 year old refuses to poop in the potty,” which gives people an accurate idea of the strength of the stench. I bet that does clear your sinuses! Thinking about it makes me feel like vomiting, so I bet it clears your stomach, too! I’m sure Melissa appreciated that helpful piece of advice, given that she already feels like ass. What better way to repair her health than by imagining taking a whiff of a toddler boy’s fully-formed diaper turds? LOL. Talk about a homeopathic remedy. It’s 100% natural! Hahaha. You nailed it, Dina. 😉

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