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STFU Parents: Mommyjackers Who Speak In Non-Sequiturs On Social Media

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We’ve seen a lot of mommyjackers in this space, but I’ve yet to dedicate a column to one of my favorite iterations: The Non-Sequiturjacker.

So many people insist on jumping into the comments of their friends’ status updates to remark on parenting and kids — even if the original update has absolutely nothing to do with either of those subjects. These examples are hilarious not only because they usually make no sense, but because they show how little some people use social media to engage with their friends in a meaningful way.

These hijackers are so determined to spread their message or share their own news, they don’t even bother acknowledging what their friend said. It’s like if someone asked a person for directions at a gas station, and the person replied back, “My little girl loves wearing mommy’s sunglasses!” Except, if that happened in real life, the person asking for directions would probably think the other person was crazy. Online, though, non-sequiturjackers can get away with just about anything. Let’s check out some examples and quietly pity the fools who are unfamiliar with the concept of staying on-topic.

1. Pound For Pound

STFU Parents

Well, I guess I see the similarity between Amber’s seven pounds of summer fruit and Laura’s grandson’s seven-pounds of body weight…because technically they’re both hybrids? Yeah, no. Nice try, Laura.

PS: Please for the love of berry season can people get a grip on how to correctly use apostrophe’s apostrophes? That would really improve my day-to-day.

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