STFU Parents: The Various Types Of Mama Bears On Facebook

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4. The “Reserved” Mama Bear


This thread is more like “the makings of a mama bear.” How do you build a mama bear? Easy. You tell her child what to do. It doesn’t matter if you are the child’s teacher, dentist, or a random server at a cafe, because exactly none of those people have the right to tell a child what to do. Especially if the child is wonderfully behaving himself while wasting perfectly good salt paid for a restaurant, because what’s the harm in doing that?! Only a very bitter, very childless server would take a salt shaker out of a tiny, precious, sensitive child’s itty bitty hands and remove his ability to dump more salt on the table.

Who cares if the waitress has to clean it up later? Hello, that’s their job! Would that same waitress just walk up to an adult making a salt pile on a table (as rational adults are wont to do) and grab the shaker out of the adult’s hands? Hell no! Because it would be wrong! Only a mother can understand this level of protective maternal instinct. It begins deep down as a quiet growl, but by the time a child is in grade school, he’ll have a full-fledged bear for a mama! RAWR!

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