STFU Parents: How Not To Mommyjack Your Childfree Friends
It’s been a couple of weeks since TIME magazine revealed its cover story “The Childfree Life,” notably depicted with a photo that’s been criticized for presenting a “deceptive fantasy of the child-free life”Â with “lazy yuppies.”Â For anyone who regularly reads articles and blog posts about parenting, “mommy wars,” and whether having kids makes people ebullient or suicidal (because there is no in-between!), this story didn’t come as much of a surprise. In fact, all that surprises me these days is the wayÂ people continue to eat up the media’s constant regurgitation of the same stale debates. I’m so bored by lists that compare raising a toddler to being in combat, or things you should never say to your friend who has one kid, or twins, or no kids, or whaaaatever. We are all responsible for our own happiness, whether kids enter the picture or not, and there’s no use in comparing large groups of people by generalizing about their “childfree” vs. “family” lives.
That said, I receive a large number of links to the aforementioned articles, and that tells me people are still affected by these debates. Women in particular are confronted on a daily basis about their “lack” of children or asked about their future family plans, and it’s hurtful and annoying. Part of what attracts a certain demographic to STFU, Parents are the posts about mommyjacking, which often pertain to people who are childfree. What’s compelling about the reader response is that it doesn’t matter if people are planning to have kids in the future but don’t have any right now (a.k.a “childless”), OR if they don’t want to have kids at all (a.k.a. “childfree”), because both groups are equally put off by intrusive questions and comments about becoming a parent. Society has told us for years that it’s normal to ask a woman “when” she plans on having children — not “if” — but many people (men and women) are not very comfortable with that casual conversation. So even if I’m a little tired of hearing about the debate between parents and non-parents, most people aren’t. And judging by the current climate and that TIME magazine story, the discussion is only ramping up. To help provide more fodder, here are five (more) examples of mommyjacking that demonstrate what NOT to say to your childfree (or childless) friends on Facebook (or ever).
1. You’re “ready” for kids.
No one wants to be told he or she is “ready” for babies, like life is merely preparing us for our one true mission: procreation. Yes, for many people, children are the future (at least, their future), but for many others, they’re not, so cut it out with all the assumptions.