STFU Parents: Giving Thanks For All The Cool Parents

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I’ve posted a few “Mom’s Gold Star” submissions in this column before, but I’ve never fully explained what it is for the folks who don’t regularly follow STFU, Parents. So this week, in honor of Thanksgiving, I thought I’d dedicate the whole column to the Mom’s Gold Star. It’s a post category that makes everyone – even the naysayers! – smile, because the submissions are always funny and don’t involve dirty diapers. And that’s certainly something to be thankful for.

Gold Star posts celebrate cool parents (and non-parents) who have a good sense of humor and are able to laugh at themselves and take parenting a little lighter than the other parents featured on the blog. They use Facebook as it was intended, in my opinion, to share funny anecdotes or to make their friends laugh in some way. Sometimes the Mom’s Gold Star is given to  commentators who “call parents out” but manage to do so without being rude. Other times it’s given to multiple people in a single thread for coming together and being hilarious (the opposite of a mompetition!). Each week, it’s something new, and each week I receive emails from readers who say they love the Mom’s Gold Star category because it’s kind of wholesome, kind of raunchy and always entertaining.

Here are some examples to help you kick off your holiday with a laugh — and I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

1. Chain Status Comment-Bombs

STFU Parents

If there’s one thing I’ll readily admit to hating, it’s “chain status updates.” They seem so disingenuous, and occasionally they make no sense or have no purpose. I love the way Kimberley manages to mommyjack Juanita’s update with a simple one-liner. The contrast between Juanita’s update, which seemingly goes on and on and on, and Kimberley’s quick comment is pure amusement. Plus, Kimberley is able to flip the whole “message” of the chain as if to say, “Oh, stop taking this motherhood thing so seriously!” She knows that parents don’t need to copy and paste what it means to love a child in order for people to know that they do, in fact, love their children. Gold Star to Kimberley!

2. Funny Baby Album Titles
STFU Parents

And the award for Best Baby Album Title On Facebook goes to…. {drumroll, please….}….Jen! Personally, I’m cool with any album title that isn’t “The Most Beautiful Baby In The World Has Arrived!” or “300+ Pictures Of My Perfect Baby!” or “This Is What Labor And Delivery Really Looks Like…Deal With It!” but Jen takes album titling to another level by incorporating humor, and what sounds like sincere amazement, into hers.

Let’s be real, most women have “Holy shit, I’m pregnant!”, “Holy shit, I’m in labor!”, and “Holy shit, I had a baby!” moments. So why not punctuate that first Facebook album featuring the little person you brought into the world with the truth? It’ll make your friends laugh, not to mention click through, and isn’t that the ultimate objective? To show off your newborn? Jen knows how to get the job done. Gold Star all the way.

3. Tag Teaming
STFU Parents

Sometimes you need someone else’s help to take your status update from “meh” to Gold Star material. Roseanne’s optimism gets a thumbs up from me, but it’s Shawn’s comment that really takes home the goods. Jokes about Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day” are often overplayed in my book, but comparing the average mom to Ice Cube is a whole lotta awesome. Especially since Shawn’s comment inspired me to picture June Cleaver holding an AK-47. Normally I’m anti-gun-and-violence jokes, but this submission hits just the right mark. Nice job, Shawn!

4. Dirty Jokes
STFU Parents

I’m not personally the biggest fan of writing “letters” or addressing people/kids/dogs who aren’t on Facebook in status updates, but Vikki’s update is hilarious. The last line about “criss-cross applesauce” is what takes it over the edge – and also happens to be the kind of joke many parents stay away from on Facebook for fear of being perceived as a “bad” parent (because parents can’t be lewd, duh!). Vikki totally ignores that thinking and her friends do, too, which is why they all get props from me. Gold Stars all-around!

5. Baby Mockery
STFU Parents

It doesn’t get much better than this. How many parents do we all know who try with all their might to post the absolute best, cutest and most flattering pictures of their kids online? Not Jennifer. Nope! Jennifer uses her son as a comedic prop in this update, and the semi-confused, semi-disgruntled expression on his face is priceless. Despite the fact that he’s a baby and only really capable of thinking, “Food. Sleep. Cry. Bath. Poop. Nap. Doggie! Repeat,” his face seems to be saying, “Someone please help me. What the hell am I wearing?” I can hardly look at him without cracking up. This is the stuff Gold Stars are made of.