STFU Parents: Don’t Brag About Your ‘Push Present’ On Social Media

By  | 

As a member of both the Hallmark Generation and Internet Generation, I’ve witnessed the birth of many stupid, previously non-existent holidays and celebratory occasions. Most of these made-up events were inspired by consumer-driven trends, which is why so many pertain specifically to parents and babies. As we saw last week, there’s apparently a fauxliday for “milestone birthdays” such as “In & Out Day (9 months in, 9 months out!)”, so who knows where this path could continue. By now, most of us have heard of babymoons (to be taken ideally in Mexico), gender reveal parties (a sad example of advanced civilization), and even grandmother showers (more on those in a future column), all of which have been getting incorporated into various brands’ marketing campaigns in 2015. But of all the fake excuses to (over-)celebrate a pregnancy, mother, or child, I’m not sure anything is more insufferable than the steady rise of the ‘push present.’


For those of you who aren’t in-the-know, push presents are given to mothers by their partners to celebrate the birth of a new baby. You might be asking yourself, “Why is it called a ‘push present’ rather than just a ‘present’?” I’ll tell you: The push present serves as a reward – a symbolic, expensive gesture – for women who have gone through labor. (One person on the Facebook page asked, “If you have a C-section, is it called a ‘disembowelment present’ instead?” Well, I don’t see why not!) The justification process behind the push present is that the quality of the gift must equal the level of appreciation that a husband (presumably) has for his wife for giving him a child. In other words, the present is fundamentally designed to be some fancy shit. I’m talking luxury names, sparkles, and quality that says, “You only wish your husband loved you like my husband loves me.”

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7