STFU Parents: Parents Who Are Demanding About Their Kids’ Birthdays On Facebook

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4. Vacation Donations

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At first, this struck me as sad. L. just wants to take her daughter to Disneyland! It’s so freaking expen$ive! Every little bit helps!

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But then I read the submitter’s email, which put me in my place with its reasoned logic. The submitter wrote, “In the grand scheme of things, this submission isn’t that awful. What rankles me is that the birthday is in 2 weeks. It’s not like a child’s birthday is a surprise. Maybe I’m bitter because I never did anything big for my childhood birthdays, and even now if I want a fancy vacation/party like this, I have to plan ahead and save.”

Hey, yeah, wait a second: I’ve never been to Disneyland, and I’m 32 years old! Where’s my free trip?? I’m setting up a GoFundMe page just as soon as I’m done writing this column so I can raise the funds for this trip. My birthday is on April 30th and yes, I will accept a flight upgrade. And champagne. One glass for every year of my life on earth! I’m going to be 396 months old, bitches! Gimme my teacup ride!!!

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