STFU Parents: Crazy Baby Names

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It’s hard to say when exactly parents started focusing on giving their children unique (or “yoonique”) names, but it seems that the trend has completely spiraled out of control. Ask anyone the craziest baby name they know, and chances are they’ll say something you’ve never heard before. A couple of days ago I asked STFU, Parents readers this question on Twitter and Facebook, and the names ranged from Female (pronounced Fem-AH-lee), to Jazzman, to siblings named Tamara, TaDae, Yesterdae and Tonite.

I think the biggest change I’ve noticed with baby names in recent years is that nowadays a name can be considered unique based on multiple factors: overall wackiness, pronunciation and “yoonique” spelling. Back in the day, if parents wanted their child to have a unique name they just came up with something that didn’t exist or that sounded original. But now if you ask parents what their baby’s name is, they might say something that sounds traditional like “Kevin” but the spelling is actually “Quybhin.”

I receive so many emails on this subject that I’ve decided to devote today’s column to baby names. Say what you want about the trend, but it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So buckle up and enjoy the ride as we take a look at some of the most common types of unique names.

1. The Awkward Spelling

When you have to tell people right off the bat how to pronounce a name, you know the kid is doomed for life.

2. The Competitive Namer

It’s always amusing when parents think they came up with a name first, especially if they treat baby naming like a sport.

3. The Crowdsourcer

Some parents already have a list of semi-crazy names but need their friends to chime in to help determine which one works best! My vote’s on Adorabella. WTF?

4. The “Your Kids’ Names Are So Crazy That I Can’t Even Take You Seriously” Namer

Separately a couple of these names are not “so bad.” But all together they crack me up. These moms could be talking about the apocalypse and I wouldn’t even notice because I’m so distracted by their kids’ names. I mean, “Kenzly,” really?

5. The Yooniquest Of The Yoonique

This is a mishmash of posts that a submitter compiled from a group wall on Facebook. It’s like a symphony of everything that’s wrong with baby names today. Parents, sometimes unique can be a good thing, but most of the time it just makes people cringe.