STFU Parents: Parents Who Brag About Their Kids’ Achievements On Facebook

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3. Wise Beyond Her Years



Whenever a parent says, “My kid can do X, Y, and Z, and I don’t know HOW the teachers are gonna deal with her when she gets to elementary school and blows everyone out of the fucking water with her high IQ and off-the-charts intelligence!”, an angel loses its wings. Choose your words carefully, parents. Watching a documentary about Einstein while lazying about on the couch isn’t exactly rocket science.

4. Precocious Children Are Super Adorable

4. FacebookBrag_search verbal precocity
Top 3 Annoying Things People Say To Their Parent Friends About Their Kids Being Awesome:
1. He/she is a genius just like her mom/dad!

2. OMG you HAVE to publish a book of everything your amazingly hilarious child says. Those quips need to be in print! It’ll be a bestseller! :)))

3. Someone get this kid a TV show / an agent / a podcast / an audition / some headshots!

“This kid slays me” gets an honorable mention, because Rachel is commenting on a post about karate class, and “slays” makes me think of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Buffy practiced martial arts. There’s a tie-in, and I enjoy a good pun. But anyone who says “This kid slays me” is probably awful in real life.

Also: the inclusion of “herring” is what really put Jessica’s status update over-the-top for me. Not only is her kid more verbose than those other kids, but he’s got a fancier palate, too! In the words of the submitter: “This is a status update from a woman who is CONSTANTLY posting “cute” stuff her kid says, usually in a way that makes it clear she’s just bragging about how goddamn clever and hip he is — and how clever and hip she and her husband are, by extension. (She actually used the phrase “verbal precocity” to describe him in a status once.)”

VERBAL. PRECOCITY. Don’t do that, parents.

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