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STFU Parents: Yoonique Baby Names To Avoid In 2015

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3. The “Cutest” Babies Have The Dumbest Names 

It’s no surprise that people who like the idea of babies winning contests just for being babies also have a passion for doling out yooniquely awful names. Here’s a mere sampling, and a reminder that baby contests are no more and no less futile than turtle races.

Speaking of races…


Can you guys believe li’l AdrenaLynn is already 44 months? I swear just yesterday she was 34 months.


“Azavyer” is one of those names that assumes two wrongs make a right — too bad in this instance they don’t.


BLAYZIN KEIF is a fabulous name and will surely serve Tanner’s young lad well in life.


Don’t hate the player, y’all. Hate the game. Rainyn was a name that was destined to exist, and not just because it’s a natural(ly stupid) extension of the word/name “Rain,” but because it originated in the beloved fantasy book series “Wheel of Time.” According to WOT’s Wiki, “Rainyn is a Windfinder of the Sea Folk and serves on a smaller vessel. She has round cheeks and is by Aes Sedai standard [ed note. whatever the hell that is] very strong in the One Power,” which I assume is fantasy speak for “awesome, badass chick.” I’m not giving her — or any baby — my vote, but I can attest to Rainyn having round cheeks like her inferred namesake. Also, there are going to be a LOT more people with fantasy-inspired names in the future, which means we may as well give up on spelling altogether.

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